What if Adam and Eve were Kids in the Divorce?

And like all children of divorce - it was never their fault.

Hi New Friend, it's me, Stella!

Whenever I’m feeling conflicted, lost, confused, afraid—any intense emotions at all— I’m out in nature. Happy or sad. For me (and I have a sneaky suspicion for most of us), the best thing you can do is get yourself outside. The closest you can get to God’s creation. The closest thing to you. Because you are made of the same shit. We are made of the same shit.

What I want to talk about today—what I want to process—is this: I’ve been listening to A Course in Miracles while editing a book about the Torah (the blueprint for Judaism). And I gotta say: wow. I don’t know how I’m 47 years old, and I can unequivocally say I’ve had more than one wave of spiritual awakening— I remember having adult thoughts—mature thoughts—in a small child’s body, in a small child’s brain, from as young as three or four.

I also remember that at that age, I was asked to take responsibility for things very early. The adults in my life—well, I’ve had to work through the fact that this is neither here nor there. My parents, God bless their cotton socks, are both dead. And when I say that, I mean my abusive step-mother died in 2008? I only recall the ugly— I don't recall the when. And my mother passed away in November last year, just six weeks after my marriage ended. And I never knew my father. Maybe that’s why it’s easier to talk about now. They are all dead and gone. I have moved through forgiveness and acknowledged that while it was fucking horrendous, it was also a gift.

Wait—I gotta stop and take a photo. Just look at that with me for a moment. Again, when we come into the most breathtaking of natural settings, it is very difficult to ignore God. And this snap does not do the moment justice.

Anyway, this is not my first spiritual rodeo. I haven’t done seventeen Ayahuasca journeys, but I have had my paradigm shifted and my world shattered a couple of times.

What I woke up with very clearly in my head this morning—because again, I’m 47, and I’ve been paying attention, and Spirit speaks most clearly to me in the early hours, often in my sleep—I wake up with fully formed conversations, concepts, ideas, instructions. And this morning I woke with a very clear instruction to begin to marry—and that is exactly the right word— particularly in light of my divorce, marry the masculine and the feminine in the Divine.

This is the culmination of a seven-year-long practice. It began at age 40 on a trip to India. I’m writing a book about it right now. What began then in India was an instruction to heal the parental wounds—within me, with my earthly mom and dad. Because we are not able to perceive and receive the fullness of God’s intention for us when we continue to lick our wounds and live in the illusion of separation.

This morning I woke up with a clear directive: wholeness, union, all is one.

As I said, I’ve been listening to A Course in Miracles. I don’t know how I haven’t come across it before in a way that compelled me. I’ve seen it many times but never felt to read or listen—until this week. So much of it lands with tremendous resonance and confirmation. And some of it—particularly around the ego and the body—I completely disagree with.

Part of this process—this marrying of the masculine and the feminine in the Divine—is that up to this point in our consciousness, we’ve had masculine dominance. I feel that Patriarchy has been a poor representation of the masculine in the Divine. The masculine in the Divine has not—Jesus, Buddha, Shiva… pick a male deity or representation. (Buddhism is one of the more inclusive models, but still.) These representations of the masculine in the Divine are only that: representations. They cannot be seen in their fullness or completeness because they are one aspect. The bare bones of it is separation into two—the illusion of separation.

What if, like many children of Divorce, we have been blaming ourselves for a separation (the fall) that we didn’t cause, a separation that was never about right or wrong, good or bad, temptation and blame, and because we were too young to understand, we internalised it and blamed ourselves? That doesn’t mean we don’t take responsibility for our healing as adults. And all healing starts with forgiveness. Can we forgive ourselves and our parents (heavenly and earthly) before we do (more) damage with our partners and children?

We are not separate. We have never been separate. But we have had to experience separateness to understand it. We only perceive wholeness when we’ve perceived fragmentation. A Course in Miracles talks about perception, our use of it, and our need for it. This I found resonance with.

Which brings me to the body. These masculine representations of the Divine and our place in it have often ignored the body, either ignored it or disassociated from it. Even my beloved Yoga. It doesn’t matter what kind of body you’re in—male, female, whatever. Gender needs to stop being the stick we beat each other with.

If we look at the symptoms of the times—the transgender movement, for example—I believe our processing of the gender divide is about this need to stop disassociating from, rejecting, and trying to master the human body. The role of the feminine in the Divine is to encourage us into the body, because the body is where so many keys are.

If you weren’t supposed to understand, love, appreciate, and accept the human body, you would not be in it. If the human body were irrelevant, we wouldn’t be incarnate in it. Your body is a treasure trove of wonder and miracles. It pains me when we try to disregard it or disassociate from it— I’m pretty sure it pains God as well, and I would go as far as saying it grieves the Holy Spirit.

What I’m here to do—what I’m being called to do in this incarnation—is to marry divine union between the Father and the Mother, the masculine and the feminine, and the creation—the child—us. The true trinity. We are the created, and if we are to believe what Jesus tells us about who we are, we are the Creator as well.

You can only fully create—only fully embrace your divine blueprint—when you embrace the human body. It is not to be rejected, vilified, mastered, or controlled. It is to be loved, accepted, and embraced. Then things will move through the human body. Then we become what we’re born to be: channels for the Divine.

Your human body is a time machine. You are both a time machine and a time traveller. A portal. A door to multiple dimensions—but only if you fully embrace the All and Everything of what it is. And it’s not even an it—she/they/he/them. We are being called into unity. Into wholeness. Into alignment.

The longer we persist with this divide—and with patriarchy (which has done its job)—we also start to move beyond the toxic feminine, the kickback, the response to that. That, too, had its place. Kali has her place. The dark feminine has her place: disruption of what has been. Many of us are still in the throes of that disruption. Many of us are still waking up to it. But those of us—seven years—those of us who have the vision for the future are already walking in, and embodying, the land of unity and wholeness. Your body is the journey and the destination.

Come with me. Come with me to embrace unity and wholeness. Family—brothers and sisters, moms and pops, aunties and uncles—community. We cannot experience wholeness in community if we cannot experience wholeness in the Self.

Thus concludes my morning’s Satsang.

My prayer for all of us today: that we come into unity; that we come into wholeness; that we come into acceptance; that we come into Grace.

You may hear me say “Jesusssssss!" in a way that sounds blasphemous, but I say it as an invocation, a declaration, and a prayer. And Jesus knows that.

Have a beautiful day, bitches.

Stella

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